I just can't stop for some reason

Thank you JEBUS!!!

Carrie Prejean drops her lawsuit against the Miss California USA organization after it is revealed she has a sex tape!!!!

Oh please, lord - let it be true. 

That this bastion of Christian wholesomeness and the patron saint of heterosexual normality has been caught flinging her silicone tatas over some 'oily bohunk' on film. (bonus points if you name the movie!)

I imagine that Perez Hilton is in his dank and pungent West Hollywood studio apartment running in circles and giggling and clapping - his ripples of pink, hairless flesh jiggling and joggling in unfettered glee...

oh wait

I puked just then

Anyway - please let it be true Lord Jesus our saviour and I will promise not to fly out to NOM headquarters and slap and taunt Maggie Gallgher until she cries like the little unwed mother, nobody-wants-to-marry -your-bitter-and-ugly-ass-so-I-will-fight-against-cute-men-marrying-cute-men asshat that she is.

BRING ME MY SLAPPING PURSE - THERE IS JUSTICE TO DISPENSE!!!!

(no - the one with the sequins - they hurt more)

bluntcard

Send one!

Pissed off

Sometimes there's just no nicer way to say it.

*

* for our non-US friends, this is a total put-down.

Our Vermont slide show

Pull up a seat, kids.  Take some popcorn - we can always make more.

Harris - I told you to leave kitty alone.  Now sit down.  We're going to look at some pictures of our recent trip to Vermont to see Grandma and Aunt Cee Cee...

(and to pay those unmasked bandits at the Hyundai dealership a f*cking fortune to get our car back...)

Okay - here is a picture of the trees turning their Autumnal colors as we entered Vermont

Isn't that just beautiful?

Harris!  I told you to leave the kitty alone >SMACK<

And here's a lovely picture taken at the Maple Syrup store we stopped at.

The pictures just don't do the colors justice.

I must tell you, though, that that Mercedes was just pulling in and - oh my lord, Jesus - those people from New Jersey just waddled their fat sweat-pant clad behinds into the store and decimated the free samples tray.

Before you could say "Go back to Jersey, you bums," they had devoured an entire bowl of maple-glazed pretzels, two bowls of maple-mustard dipping sauce and half of the napkins.  They then decimated the maple candy samples, which - as you know - pretty much makes me faint on sight.

I mean, lordy - we're talking about beige candy here.  BEIGE!  And if that weren't enough - it's like eating sand!  Mixed with sugar.  Sugar and sand - and that awful, cloying maple taste.  Oh, it's enough to make the baby Jesus cry.

Well, it was all too much for me and your uncle had to take me to the nearest restaurant to revive my spirits.

On the way, we encountered some of the "locals."  They take great pride in being from here - anyone else is called a "Flatlander."  After taking this picture, this friendly local man offered to sell us some Montreal Rock.  I can't imagine he'd be very successful...




...after all - who wants to buy an old rock, even if it is Canadian?  And the way his one eye kept orbiting in its socket, independent of its mate, was enough to send me screaming back to the car.

So after a few vodka martinis and a salad, we hit the road again.  I snapped some lovely images but I think there was something wrong with the camera.

But after a while it cleared up again.

Once we reached your Auntie Cee Cee's house, Grandma was so happy to see us, she had my own special martini glass and shaker waiting.

I know we ate a bit later, but I think we watched a movie as well....something about a man...a comedy.

mmm.

Anyway - the next day we got up and it was gray and rainy - Brrrr!  But the leaves added lovely color to help dispel the gloom.

And here we see....

HARRIS!

Do you see that barn?  Good - because that's where poor people live - poor people with no teeth and that is where I will by God put you if you touch that damned cat again!!!

Lord-amighty Sally-Ruth, I don't know how you put up with that child of yours.

We stopped at the von Trapp tea room for lunch on our way home - oh yes!  Those von Trapps!  The Sound of Music people!  They escaped those terrible Nazis and moved to Stowe.

Well, you know, old Maria in real life thought she was the Queen of Sheba - big Miss La te ta - in Stowe and let me tell, they still talk about her.  But they have a lodge and a bakery and a tea room that serves lovely sausages.  And you can ski and snow shoe - or just take in the views.

Unfortunately, on the day we stopped - the tea room was closed.

The gift shop attendant had apparently produced a gun and shot four diners before killing herself.

They have a lot of trouble with gift shop attendants at the tea room.  They never last long - and some of them - at least 3 a year - commit suicide, usually during lunch.

I don't know why - it's a lovely little gift shop.  You can buy postcards of Maria gazing over her kingdom of mountains and fields; various CDs of her singularly untalented grandchildren and great-grandchildren - who play all sorts of strange Bavarian type instruments; and, of course, DVDs of the Sound of Music in which that lovely Julie Andrews gives no HINT of the mad cow she will eventually become.

And oh yes - they have the soundtrack to the Sound of Music always playing on a loop over the sound system - no other music is allowed to be played.

"DOE - a dear, a female dear, RAY - a drop of golden sun...."

How could anyone not enjoy working someplace this charming?  The poor girl - she must have had a mental illness.

"Make it stop-" she supposedly said before expiring in the paramedic's arms.

Well...that's about all the slides we have right now.

Oh - wait.

Oh, yes  - this is the one that made our trip worthwhile.

Remember those awful people from New Jersey?  With the Mercedes?

We saw them again on our way home.  And they were able to inconvenience us one more time. 

But the good news?

They're dead.

Just like you are going to be Harris - put that cat down!

HARRIS!

A momentous day

 "After more than a decade of opposition and delay, we've passed inclusive hate crimes legislation to help protect our citizens from violence based on what they look like, who they love, how they pray, or who they are."

Post-it confessions

Made me laugh...

I promise to post a personal update here soon - just came off a week of vacation to an e-mail inbox of over 450 things to be dealt with NOW.

Man - I just don't bounce back like I used to...wish me well - and enjoy.

And since most people who come here...

..are bound to be going to go to Hell anyway.........

Hey - it made ME laugh.

Post-it confessions

UPDATE:  For additional perspective on this remark, I refer readers back to this stellar 1990 performance by Paula Poundstone.  Beginning at about the 6:23 mark, replace the words "Daryl Hannah" with "Zooey Deschanel."

You'll find it as crisp and relevant today.

OMG

I said Crisp...gasp!

If you don't know about TFLN - you must...

That's Texts From Last Night - it's mean, it's dirty, it's inappropriate - which makes it solid gold. 

My older and prettier twin sister edder turned me on to it months ago - and I've wasted hours there ever since.

A few "family-friendly" excerpts:

(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

(973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

(843): When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

(703): So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
(1-703): You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

Check it out - but don't say I didn't warn you!

It's a stay-cation...with a little protest thrown in for good measure...

I am happy - nay - pleased as punch (!) to inform you that I am going to be spending the next four days doing absolutely nothing.  I am taking my first vacation time off in 2009.

It's been a roller coaster of a year - but with positive benefits all around.  Well, mostly.

Our car fiasco in Vermont set us back a bit, so any vacation time is being spent pretty close to home.

But that's okay.  This is one of those "let's catch up on projects" vacations.

The scorecard so far:

Nothing.  Absolutely nada.  Zip, bupkiss, zilch.

I spent today playing computer games, reading blogs, watching scary movies on cable and - oh wait, I did go to the bank drive thru for Brian to make a deposit.  Wow!  I did do something productive!

I also ate.  Breakfast and lunch.

 And I brought the recycling and trash cans in from the curb.  I guess I did do quite a bit for a guy on vacation.

Go, me!  yay.

I bopped into the office yesterday to wrap up a few loose ends from last week's event.  Get the CD from the photographer, return some stands - that kind of stuff. 

Then it was back home for a week of sleeping late, drinking early, and generally pissing the day away.

Brian is off tomorrow and we're going shopping for Halloween costume pieces.  They're having a fancy dress wine tasting at his place of employment on Friday.

I may attend.  I may not.

I found out today that his boss - who can be a very lovely and otherwise open-minded person - donated to the Republican Party for the upcoming election cycle.

I have an issue with that.  I don't like to patronize the businesses of people who support an organization or an ideology that fights to deny me rights and recognition as a fellow human being.

There is a very popular tree service company in town, but I've never even had them out for an estimate.  Why?  Because all of their trucks have huge slogans on them in big, black letters - "God Bless America."

And no one else?  Piss off.

I found out last year that my chiropractor donated $3,000 to the Republican National Committee.  Done.  No longer my chiropractor.

I certainly don't go so far as to inquire when I hire someone or patronize a business.  After all, they may not wish to deal with me if they knew my views. 

It all comes down to common civility.  Keep your views out of my face and I'll keep mine out of yours.

Shove your ideology down my throat, and you can find a new customer, bubbie.

Maybe on Friday I'll go as a drunk guy who vomits on neo-conservatives.  That could be fun!

Wish me well, kittens.