Friday, February 23, 2007

Kicking off the weekend!

I was never much of a Christina Aguilera fan - but hey - with a video like this, I might be convinced.


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Mitt Romney courts voters; becomes black, female

In his ongoing bid to secure the RepubliKKKan presidential nod, former Massachusetts governor and conservative wing-nut Mitt Romney recently did a 180-degree shift from being a a gun-control advocate to joining the National Rifle Association (NRA).

Apparently he really, really wanted that round NRA window sticker to put in the back window of his Town Car to show that he is in touch with the common man. As he picks off stem-cell researchers from the back-seat like so many ducks in a shooting gallery....

Romney has also reversed his very public stance on both abortion and gay rights to appeal to the conservative ultra-right.

So - it only stands to reason that his next move will be to become an African American woman - possibly an oppressed lesbian one - to pick up the remaining smattering of votes left lying about as he sweeps onward towards victory.

In fact, it also stands to reason that in anticipation of his greatness as President of the United States, Mitt will have himself turned into a tasteful yet awe-inspiring statue to be placed on the Great Lawn before he even reaches office.

So - cool. I'm fine with that.

Vote for Mitt. Or don't. It won't matter because by November, at this rate - he could just as well end up becoming a street minstrel named Susie Rainflower playing accordion and lute solos in Enid, Oklahoma.

Rock on, Mitt.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

New York politics - the greatest sideshow on earth

Okay - I have finally worked through enough of my anger over the whole New York comptroller appointment to write about it.

I lie. I'm pissed.

But more than that. I am feeling - radical. I am feeling politically motivated and inspired to take action - not sure what, just yet - but I'm inspired. That's enough for now.

But I am ironing my Angela Davis t-shirt, just in case.

What galls me more than anything is that our legislative leaders in Albany - Joe "Joey Bananas" Bruno and Sheldon "Slippery" Silver - have the nerve to believe that the citizens of New York are sheep. They think that we are sitting numbly by as they play their little games of charades in Albany.

Au contraire, mon frer. We sent in our hit man. Just like the message that America sent to the Bush administration in the last election, New Yorkers put the legislature on notice that we have had enough.

Perhaps first though - to minimize the personal damage these yo-yos can do to themselves and their image, allowing them to get private sector jobs when they are eventually booted out - we need to educate our legislators on the concepts of "new media."

Apparently not being familiar with any communication channels that doesn't involve fedora'd reporters with notepads and ink printing presses - it must have been a surprise to them that millions of New Yorkers read, heard and saw them on radio, television, podcasts, and the Web when they agreed PUBLICLY to Governor Spitzer's desire to put an independent panel in place to select new comptroller candidates.

And they then had the nerve - THE NERVE - to come back a day or later and say, "well- that's not what I heard or agreed to" - or "I don't know what I heard."

HELLO. We know!!! Why don't you?

Gentlemen, we are NOT stupid. And we are not going to sit idly by while you perpetuate your dysfunctional old boys club methods that have created the insanity that is our current state senate.

A new wind is blowing - and it's not just the winds of change. They are the winds of discontent - and you had better start listening and paying attention, because this is a rising storm.

I'm behind my man, Elliott. And so are the majority of your constituents.

Fasten your seatbelts, Albany - it's going to be a bumpy night.

At least if I have anything to say about it. >:^)

Monday, February 12, 2007

God is dead

Why else would I have woken up this morning with the song "Undercover Angel" stuck in my head?

Jabbing this pen in my eye repeatedly appears to offer some relief....

And the winner is....America!!

In yet another crushing cultural blow to the mindless, bible-clutching, goose-stepping hordes who brought us Bush's Amerika - the Dixie Chicks walked away with five Grammy awards last night.

Ironically, the same people who freaked out over what the ladies had to say are rabid supporters of their very right to say what they did. But that requires actual reasoning, no?

But in the nightmare that is the Bush/Cheney/Rove Fourth Reich, thinking is not an option.

But time and tide perpetually cleanse what is rotten in our world. And we see wave after refreshing wave rolling in these days, washing over the ramparts of Herr Bush's house of sand - the foundations crumbling and washing out to sea.

Congratulations to the Chicks and to anyone who speaks truth to power.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Use your inside voice!

When it comes to work-related observations that I form in my demented little brain, I try to corral them all into a dusty and cob-webbed corner at the back of my brain and then give them shiny little sharp things to play with to keep them busy and occupied - so there is no danger of them ever being vocalized.

However - it seems lately that there are so many of those nasty little barbs in there, some form of release is necesary - otherwise, they may band together and revolt - by giving me uncontrollable Turet's Syndrome or something.

So -here we go:

  • Dear Security Guard at the front desk: Please don't try to hide the computer games or the soft-core pornography you have pulled up on your terminal to appear to have some semblance of purpose when I walk by you. We have very low expectations of you, since you appear to be mere seconds away from your E-ticket to the pearly gates. Should an actual security incident arise, we fully expect to be nothing but smoldering corpses by the time you reach your life alert button to notify medical teams of your coronary. Take a nap - we'll cover for you.
  • Gentlemen in business: There never is - or was - an appropriate time to wear Ralph Lauren Polo. It is Satan's toilet water. It never melds with your skin or mellows with your body chemistry. It is offensive and vile and a tool of the devil to creat discord on earth. If you enter an elevator with me and appear to have bathed in Polo that morning, I reserve the right to beat you to death with the emergency telephone.
  • Persons with handicapped vehicle plates and stickers: If I see you parking in the reserved spots by the front door of the building - while I have just walked across three separate parking lots in gale force sub-zero winds - and you do not have an obvious qualifiying condition or impairment - OR if I see you later sprinting your fat ass and thick ankles down the 1/2 mile long corridor to the cafeteria to suck down fried chicken nuggets and a Yoo Hoo soda - I will ensure that you become eminently qualified to use that particular sticker or plate.
  • To my female colleagues in the greater Tri-State area of NY, CT and NJ: Please rent a copy of the movie "Working Girl" and pay close attention to the insane hair, shoulder pads, fashions and make-up of the secretarial staff. Now - check the date on when the movie was made. Then check the calendar. This should be a HUGE wake-up call for you.
  • Gentlemen: Please check your suit and sport jacket labels. If they read "Chess King," "International Male," or "Oaktree" - and appear to made of a reflective and inflammable material - please get in your car, drive to New Jersey, and quickly abandon them along the highway. This is the only known place in the universe where they will biodegrade and be destroyed for all time.
  • The Air Apparent: I know I don't need to mention this again. But if you think you are safe and sound in your little office or cubicle and you just happen to "let one slip" - your daydream is over. We know. And we hate you for it. And we ARE talking about you.

    And if you try to cover it with Polo...may God have mercy on your soul.