Helpful air travel advice

(Warning:  Elements of this post contain potentially offensive language and overt sexual references, much like dinner parties at our house.)

As we yawn and stretch and wipe the holiday sleepiness from our eyes and begin to look at the year ahead, I thought it was prudent to revisit some helpful advice for safe travel.

Sadly, the celebration of the Lord's birthday was interrupted by yet another terrorist attempt to inflict harm on the populace.  I refer, of course, to the now infamous "underwear bomber" who boarded a transatlantic flight and attempted to use his naughty place as a weapon of mass destruction.

How this seemingly inept terrorist managed to escape detection by our crack Transportation Security Administration remains a mystery.

It helps to know these vigilant vanguards of freedom (and who could not get jobs as mall security or as purveyors of fast food) are protecting our borders and our skies - at minimum wage.

Anyway - terrorism aside, there are many other potential travel pitfalls you will wish to avoid, especially when flying.

Fortunately, the airlines provide all passengers with helpful travel safety cards, conveniently placed in your seat pocket.  These are the laminated yet often greasy tri-folds that we clumsily fumble with as we prepare for take-off, hoping to find either new safety tips or to avoid the gaze of the flights attendants whose instructions we are ignoring.  We also search for humorous updates offered by passengers in indelible pen.

In the interest of the public good, I would like to share two especially fine examples - the first having been widely circulated around the Web already, but still good for a chuckle.  The second, a homemade creation pulled together while dealing with a massive hangover from Saturday's dinner party.

I hope you will find them instructional. (click to enlarge)

Happy traveling!!!