Friday, January 29, 2010

I'd like to thank the academy....

Actually, I'd like to thank my blog-brother Kyle at Out Left for naming me as a recipient of the Kreativ Blogger award - which apparently honors those of us who:

a.  Are creative enough not to be alarmed by unusual word construction (Kre-a-tiv)
b. Blog.
And based on the actual design of the award itself, I suspect that there may also be language having do to with things that are craft-y, quilt-y or indicative of some type of Holly Hobbie-esque embrace of American country-cute ephemera.

But we won't think about that as such things make us cry.

But I digress.  And I make shit up.  Which may be why I have been awarded this lovely Jo-Ann Fabrics "Gingham Princess" award.


wait... sorry.

Seriously, it's always a delight to find that someone actually finds value in something you create - whether it's sharing your own bizarre worldview or just trying to put a smile on someone's face.

So - with great recognition comes certain duties and we shall tarry no longer.  As a recipient, I am honor-bound to:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
    Thank you, Kyle - I still can't believe anyone could possibly be interested in the goofy, random crap I post here.  But when recognition comes from someone that you yourself enjoy reading every day, it makes it very special indeed.  I am very grateful.  :)
  • Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
    Mission accomplished
  • Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
    You can find the charming Kyle way the heck up in the north woods of New England - or here, at his blog.
  • Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
  1. I am an atypical Virgo.  Without Brian's influence, I might end up on one of those TV shows where people come and tell you how cluttered your nasty home is.
  2. I am insanely afraid of heights.  Like, vomiting insane.  Even if I'm not the one up high. 

    I nearly puked my way through the movie "Cliffhanger" but that might have had more to do with Sylvester Stallone being in it.
  3. I am a fabulous cook.
  4. I wanted to grow up and be a famous cartoonist.  I used to cartoon all the time but let real life separate me from my passion.
  5. I once accidentally made a honking/donkey noise at Whoopi Goldberg at the ABC store in New York City.
  6. I dislike the corporate world, but stay in it because I'm really, really good at it.
  7. I really, really, really love my life.

Santa Cruz, 1992

Weren't we just too adorable?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

The things I do for you....honestly.

Okay - I am the king of Internet time-wasters.  Why?  Because my right brain consistently fights with my left brain like Jan and Marcia Brady fighting over a mini skirt.  I am mostly right-brained with an idiot-savant left brain minor.  I can do math - but I do math better when shapes are involved.


I need distraction to help me focus.  I work with techno music blasting when I really need to concentrate on a spreadsheet because it's the only time my left brain gets free - like a kidnap victim sneaking out of the trunk and finding a quarter in the dirt at the gas station near the phone booth.

Okay, forget that - anyone under 35 is totally not going to get that reference.

Anyway - today, I discovered Ru Paul's DRAGULATOR.  Where you can be the drag queen of your dreams.........................

The results - fabulous!

All except the goatee, which while moderately attractive in real life, does not complement the tiara and heels.  But judge for yourself.

Okay, bitches - I expect to see YOUR drag persona links (male or female, we don't judge -- like some!!) in the comments section.

Ladies - start your engines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Guuuuurrrrls - there's even hope for Bad Kabuki.......



Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Busy, busy, busy...

...but always thinking of you, my darlings.

So stupid, it's funny.

This explains many of my cousins in Ohio. 
We just thought they were inbred to the point of becoming part hamster.

"Original sin...or extra crispy?"

Thank God, it's happy hour.

Yes, I've been-a-tumblin again!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Friday rewind

For whatever reason, I was thinking about this sketch all day long - and laughing out loud.

Friday morning






I'm always amazed by how the light changes during the day.  I think mornings are my favorite.  They're quiet, and calm and still bright, even in the winter months.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Some days...

...all you can do is sit down and have a cup of tea amongst life's wreckage.

Actually, I'm having a great day.  I just thought it was a great photo.

Hope you're having a good day, too!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Memory Lane

We just stumbled across an entire box of photographs in the basement and there are so many great (and not so great) memories contained within.  Coupled with my life-long penchant for storytelling (and repeating myself as I age), I need a new vehicle for making my stories come to life.

Behold.  The Blog.

Today's entry:

February, 2001 - Vermont:  
  • Snowboard lesson in T-minus 1.35 hours
  • Broken ankle in T-minus 2.0 hours
Snowboarding is for damned fools.

I tried it because:

a.  With 6 months of Winter, you have to do Winter sports in Vermont or you become a raging alcoholic -- or a news story when they find your body in the Spring.

b. I used to surf and I though it seemed similar.  Nobody told me it was the equivalent of strapping a highly waxed coffee table to your immobilized feet and then plummeting to your doom.

Anyway, during the lesson - which consisted of me, Brian and about 25 six-eight year olds - one of my boot straps let go and as I was attempting to right myself after my 19th fall on my increasingly sore tail bone.  The board wedged in the snow as I was turning over and I felt a sharp 'crack' and a blinding pain that cause me to loudly utter an entirely unforgivable word when surrounded by six year-olds.

I stood - shakily - secured  by my boots, I had no idea what had happened - thinking I had simply sprained the ankle.  I thanked the instructor and informed Brian that I was done and that he could find me in the lodge with a very large, very dry vodka martini.  Or four.

I limped down the bunny hill with my head held high - yes, I can admit that without shame or hesitation.  After all, I was adorable in my ski bibs and soon to be further adorned with a hefty cocktail glass.

Later that night, when the ankle began to blacken, we figured something was amiss.

The next day, I met my new doctor for the very first time.  Her words of comfort and wisdom stay with me to this day.

"You DO realize there's an age when you simply have to quit doing this shit, right?"

Yes, doctor.

(But I ain't there yet!!)

Footnote:  One day, when I publish my memoirs, I will further elaborate on living in the United States' snow wonderland while getting around on crutches.  Let's just say I've seen the underside of my Volvo (pictured) at a gas station and the underside of my front porch there.  Twice.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


I've been a little lax in posting lately - mostly due to post-holiday ennui and catching up at work after nearly three weeks away.

But I've also been reading other blogs and, frankly, becoming obsessed with Tumblr.  If you haven't Tumbld, you're missing out.  It's basically like Blogger met Flickr and they had a decidedly obsessive-compulsive baby that wants to overload you with images and information.

It's also a great source of imagery and humor ( in answer to the many questions I've received about "where the hell do you find this stuff?" - Tumblr is partly the answer).  Here are a few of my latest finds:

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He's a member of his school's swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

(Courtesy of The Onion)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Helpful air travel advice

(Warning:  Elements of this post contain potentially offensive language and overt sexual references, much like dinner parties at our house.)

As we yawn and stretch and wipe the holiday sleepiness from our eyes and begin to look at the year ahead, I thought it was prudent to revisit some helpful advice for safe travel.

Sadly, the celebration of the Lord's birthday was interrupted by yet another terrorist attempt to inflict harm on the populace.  I refer, of course, to the now infamous "underwear bomber" who boarded a transatlantic flight and attempted to use his naughty place as a weapon of mass destruction.

How this seemingly inept terrorist managed to escape detection by our crack Transportation Security Administration remains a mystery.

It helps to know these vigilant vanguards of freedom (and who could not get jobs as mall security or as purveyors of fast food) are protecting our borders and our skies - at minimum wage.

Anyway - terrorism aside, there are many other potential travel pitfalls you will wish to avoid, especially when flying.

Fortunately, the airlines provide all passengers with helpful travel safety cards, conveniently placed in your seat pocket.  These are the laminated yet often greasy tri-folds that we clumsily fumble with as we prepare for take-off, hoping to find either new safety tips or to avoid the gaze of the flights attendants whose instructions we are ignoring.  We also search for humorous updates offered by passengers in indelible pen.

In the interest of the public good, I would like to share two especially fine examples - the first having been widely circulated around the Web already, but still good for a chuckle.  The second, a homemade creation pulled together while dealing with a massive hangover from Saturday's dinner party.

I hope you will find them instructional. (click to enlarge)

Happy traveling!!!

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Christmas swag

Here's what Santa (and my friends) brought me this year:

A red leather ottoman

DVD copy of Maurice

The Pet Shop Boys Christmas CD

A "Shut the Box" game as part of my parents' annual renewal of our National Geographic subscription.

The Soup Lover's Cookbook

A very special ornament that Brian gifts me each year -
this year's is a reverse-painted one of Santa on his sleigh

And most importantly, the 19th consecutive Christmas celebrated with the man I love.

What'd you get?

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Perpetually zany yet pacifistic and optimistic romantic seeks same.

During my morning coffee blog-around, I ran across a fun pair of quizzes thanks to my buddy Bob over at I Should Be Laughing.  I normally eschew the "who/what are you like" quizzes - since they tend to be pretty canned and generic after awhile.  But, being an avid reader, the idea of seeing which books my personality matched intrigued me.

There are two Book quizzes - Book and Book 2, not surprisingly.  What is unsettling is just how accurate both depictions really are.

Here are the results I received:

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of people.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're Jane Eyre!

by Charlotte Bronte

Epic in scope and vision, you like looking at your own complete history. That said, your complete history is pretty much crazy. You seem to be followed by suitors, craziness, fires, and incredible turns of both good and bad fortune. Through it all, you persevere while maintaining adherence to your own somewhat middle-ground moral code. While you have confidence that everything will work out in the end, you sometimes wonder if it's worth it along the way. Oh sweet, sweet Jane.

Take the Book Quiz II
at the Blue Pyramid.

Friday, January 01, 2010

Gentlemen prefer...


Well, aren't you just special.

And why are you two sitting so close together?

Now you're talking...

But nothing beats inscrutable Japanese sci-fi flicks from the 50s featuring dancing salamander men!!

Starman completes me.