Sunday, February 28, 2010

Gay trash

 

One must stay in tune with technology!
(the bitch of it is, I threw away some of these same movies on LaserDisc)

And if you are old enough to remember LaserDisc, keep it to yourself, honey. 
We don't need to know how old you are.

Or me.


Friday, February 26, 2010

Love, love, love!

We just caught the new animated comedy 'Archer' on FX last night - thank God it was four episodes back to back.  It's the most hysterical thing I have seen in forever.

The writing is brilliant, the humor is vicious and the characters are as flawed as humanly possible.  And there are definitely some of the Gehz on the writing staff!





Classic exchange from this episode:

Archer:            "I am NOT too gay!"
Gay guy:          "You sneeze glitter."

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Morning moments

 
 Canadian hockey fans reacting to being defeated by the Americans.
It hurts, 'cause it's true.



"Get into mah belly!"
(sound of brains being sucked out)


"I'm feeling like I could totally get lucky in this outfit."


In honor of AerialPJ's birthday, he and Dupree don their Yetta and Batya disguises and spend the day judging random strangers on the street.

Happy birthday, sweetie darling!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Random rewind

A great cast bears repeating.

An opportunity awaits

Honestly - does anyone still think the Nigerian scam e-mail is in the least believable?

Apparently so - I received this today (despite our company's outrageously good filtering technology):


Top of the day.  Well, Faith and Begorrah to you too.

There is Agricultural fund for foreign establishment. Can you custody this fund for bi-lateral partnership establishment? 
That depends - can you ovulate a tri-racial custodial agreement?  Or even roll your tongue?  Bet you can't...

This is a pure deal and bears NO risk. Your present business or position of job does not matter in this meaningful transaction but your commitment and sincerity matters most. 
Firstly, I love pure deals.  They're so much nicer than those trashy deals who whore themselves out to anyone with a buck.  And we all know sincerity matters - thank you for reminding us.  Personal hygiene matters too.  Also.

It comes by International consular conveying services that had a mandate for safe conveyance.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot - you lost me there for a moment - until I realized you were pretending to be Yoda.  That's cool, little doctor.  Appreciate it, we do.

Let me know swiftly for the arrival confirmation and enable us meeting face to face.
This is so sudden.  I don't know what to say  - you're pressing me for an answer that will change my life.  You beast.

I wait your immediate response, ensuring that you keep it to your very self and ask your question should you have any. 
Oh, you can trust me, honey. 

Yours Sincerely.
Not

Fred Emmanuel. (Dr)
Not
S.A.


Even if I thought you were like totally sincere - which I know you're not - aren't you guys, like, busy trying to kill gays and shit?

Oh - sorry.  Not you, eh?


Regardless - Piss off.  


Also.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Honestly,

I can't think of a better way to start a work week than with a Busby Berkeley spectacular that glorifies finger banging , race-baiting, cop/rape dysfunction, and choreographed inanity.

But damn it - despite it all - the racism, the sexism and the misogynistic bushwa - I love Busby Berkeley.

Aren't we all glad we aren't in the 30s?



And oh yeah, the midget pisses me off.

Okay - show of hands

Who wants to come back as a rescue dog in our house?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Oops - we did it again...

You know those crazy old cat ladies - the ones who have more cats and air fresheners than litter boxes or sense?

Well, we're apparently determined to become the canine version of that stereotype - and to never take a vacation or have expensive rugs ever again.

Today, our family/menagerie was expanded by one.

Meet Lucy. 

Lucy is a two year-old Shar Pei whose owner didn't even pursue the basic education that one should always pursue when adopting an animal - familiarize yourself with the breed.

Okay - we love Shar Peis.  They are loyal, devoted, family-oriented dogs that bond - preferably, for life - with their owner.  If something happens to sever that tie, Shar Peis can be depressed to their own death over the misery of losing their human.

Our very first dog - Boris - was a Shar Pei.  And he was the smartest, cutest and most personable dog we - and many of our family and friends - have ever met.

Shar Peis also have incredible skin allergies - having only been introduced outside of China over the past 30+ years where their diets were far more organic and natural - not eating processed corn, ash and filler in kibble.

As a result of eating crap food, Lucy's owners could not deal with her skin condition and left her untreated until she had developed a serious skin infection.Okay - Lucy is two.  She is missing more than 60% of her fur - an improvement, we're told, from when she was surrendered to the shelter - is gone and red, raw patches ring her body.

But when we saw her - we saw a beautiful little girl  who just needed some love and attention.

So - here we are.  Four rescue dogs in residence.  Two elderly rescue cats, further annoyed and inconvenienced.  But we're all very, very happy.

More on Lucy as she progresses.  But, oh my, what a beautiful face to start with.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Lady Gaggia or "God save the crema"

A while back, we purchased a home espresso maker - the Gaggia Evolution.  It met all the criteria in terms of being Italian-made (and who knows espresso better?), features, size and design.  The price point wasn't too bad, but it was definitely not cheap.

We brought it home, unwrapped it, watched the video on how to use it...and then promptly ignored it for 4 months.  We were scared to death - the instructions were so precise and so daunting:
  • "Tamp the ground espresso with exactly 30 lbs of force and then twist the tamper to polish the top precisely."
  • "Dark (or light) splattering espresso being dispensed indicates you have not tamped the coffee correctly - and your crema will be imperfect."
  • "To make another beverage after steaming, you must bring the boiler back down to the correct brewing temperature."
Holy Mother of God.

I had performance anxiety without ever turning the machine on.  I was stressing over the quality of my crema without ever making any.

Recently, I had a serious talk with myself and decided that I will not be bested by any mere kitchen appliance, even if it is made in Europe and cost more than a car payment.

So, I steeled my resolved, girded my loins, and shook it all about... oh no - wait. Wrong synapse.

Anyway - I watched the all of the instructional videos again, this time taking copious notes on EXACTLY not to blow up my kitchen or this expensive piece of Italian ingenuity.

I was going to conquer my Gaggia machine - not the other way around.

Day One:

Thusly girded and resolved, I approached the machine the following morning - notes in hand - determined to make myself a capuccino.

As it turned out, attempting this in a pre-caffeinated condition proved to be extremely unwise.

After about 30 minutes and multiple unsuccessful attempts to fill the double-shot holder, press the coffee at exactly 30 lbs of pressure, twisting to polish the shot, and attempting to insert the actual coffee holder and handle into the machine which - for whatever reason - decided not to fit....I ended up with espresso grinds everywhere.

Covering the counter, all over the sink, clogging sponges and paper towels, in my hair, on the dogs - it was pathetic.

I finally gave up and made a regular pot of coffee.

Then Brian woke up and was also unable to get it to fit in.

So, we decided to try the single shot basket - which, low and behold, FIT!

Re-energized with purpose, we began brewing espresso, a cup at a time.
  • The first - bitter and dark, with no crema.  
  • The second - too light, almost tasteless.  
  • The third - a hint of crema, but not the best
  • and so on....
By the time we then figured out how to use the steaming wand and the frothing pitcher, we had killed nearly an hour with next to no caffeine in our systems.

When we finally emerged - victorious - cups of adequately brewed espresso with a respectable amount of crema blended with imperfectly-steamed milk - we lifted our now-tepid beverages to our lips and savored the barely warm, nutty darkness of a well-made but lukewarm capuccino.

Huzzah!

Day Two:

Yesterday's humiliation is but a distant bad dream.

I arose this morning, stretched and yawned, and headed downstairs to the kitchen where I fearlessly switched on the Gaggia.  As the machine heated up, I very deftly measured and tamped the espresso into the brewing arm, polished the espresso with a professional flourish, and popped it into the waiting machine.

I brewed, I steamed.  The milk was hot, the foam perfectly formed of tiny bubbles.  My crema was heavenly, the espresso a rich, dark nutty brown.

I ventured to my home office to begin my day.  I sipped - I sighed.  I considered photographing my successful beverage.

Drained to the foamy dregs, I decided to make another.

It was a delight! Oh the freedom - no more car trips to pay $4-5 for a milky drink that is tepid by the time you return home.  No more bland, watery coffee in the morning.

Oh joy!  Oh rapture!

Brian woke up - saw that I had finished my second.  "Did I want another he asked?"

I did!  I did.

He returned shortly with another creamy creation.  Yum!

A few minutes later, I realized my error.

While I would previously sit and consume cup after cup of regular coffee over the course of any given morning, I had just drunk three capuccinos in the space of about an hour and a half.

I was WIRED.

I was picking up radio in my head, I was so buzzed.

I envisioned an army of cymbal monkeys whirling around my cranium.

So.  Lesson learned.

The funny part was, Brian was similarly zipped up - our great friend L telephoned and at one point told him, "Jesus - hang up  - you're babbling!"

 From the depths of failure to the dizzying heights (and I do mean dizzying) of success, once again - moderation wins the day.

God, I hope I can sleep tonight.

Make it a Pooh kind of day!




Sunday, February 14, 2010

Friday, February 12, 2010

We are talking about FASHION, Sweetie!

Personally, I love Fashion Week in New York.  It's an excellent reason to stay out of the City cuz they some freaky-ass people there.

The short life and gruesome death of Mr. Buddy

Walking back to my upstairs home office - having just refilled my coffee cup for the third time this morning - I made a gruesome discovery on the landing.

Lying in a sad, deflated heap - blue fur tattered and torn, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling...and with a macabre smile still on his face - lay the lifeless carcass of Mr. Buddy.

 
Mr. Buddy was formerly our dog Eddie's favorite cuddle toy.  Eddie is a cuddler.  She likes to carry her toys around, lay on them (frequently in our bed) and just basically - well - cuddle with them.

Patsy also loves plush toys but for a very different reason.  They contain stuffing that must be TORN OUT of them.  This same logic applies to dog beds, shoe insoles....you get the picture.  We are no longer surprised to come home to fluffy stuffing tumbleweeds - skittering across the floors every time heat kicks on.

Eddie is a cuddle-bug.  Patsy is a stuffing vivisectionist.

Patsy is also an unconscious chewer.  Particularly when she is sleeping on or near antique furniture. As a result, we are currently experimenting with new and exciting uses for bitter apple spray and red pepper.

Finding Mr. Buddy's lifeless, empty corpse disturbed me briefly but Eddie seems to have soldiered through her loss.  She is currently focusing her attention and adoration on her green plush stuffed bone that used to have tug ropes attached to it before Patsy ripped them off and apparently ate them.

Now if I could just convince her to keep that nasty-ass thing off the bed.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Reason #57

Why I'd rather live in Europe.

Spain:

U.S.

Snowmageddon is here!!!

 

Actually, we're on the northern edge and won't see near as much snow as New York City,  Washington DC or the mid-Atlantic coast cities.  All I can say is that it's another great day not to be in New Jersey (most are).

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Random thoughts

I've had trouble coalescing a major update to this blog but I've had a zillion things happening (Don't expect cohesion, linearity or connective tissue in this one, folks - random is the game):

Let's examine:
  • I'm currently dealing with a colleague who works harder at not working than anyone I've ever known - and boasts about it on Facebook.  Somehow, management has missed (or ignored) this little fact and while I and my colleagues work ourselves to death, said colleague continues to lob shit over the wall while kissing their reflection in a hand mirror.

    However, the previously placid and willing-to-look-the-other-way-Transylvanians have begun to show unrest and are increasingly ready to storm the castle with pitchforks and torches and f*** all who get burnt.

  • If you want to see Ginger Rogers kick Ku Klux Klan butt, you need to see this movie.  (Watch parts 18 and 19).  The whole movie totally rocks except that Ronald Reagan plays a grown man who lives at home with mom and dad.
  • If you had been an evangelical Christian and been around me this morning, I would have slapped the hell out of you for this.  Instead, I posted a big old rant about Christians calling the Waaaaaahhhmbulance for being oppressed.  @ssholes.
 
  • Whether you love or loathe lamb...you need to try this incredible recipe. It was DIVINE.

  • And sometimes you have to say thank you - I emailed each of these courageous legislators today to thank them.

  • Have a wonderful and not quite so random day - wherever you are.

Post-it Confessions/FYI