My day via email (or why I drink)

So - we're having a huge company event over the next two days and I have been tasked with getting some graphic images and awards on display for the visiting dignitaries.

This task was presented late last week and needs to be in place by tomorrow, but hey - I'm a man of action. That's why it was dropped in my lap.

One display was easy - it was mostly of my own creation - the awards are already in house and they are actually attractive and related to environmental conservation, making them cool and relevant. So - bingo - we're halfway home. I slap together some text and 'green' graphics and we're solid.

The other display - directly related to the big event in question - has been more of a challenge. I met with two trustworthy and highly-big-event-integrated colleagues who assured me - last week - that they would provide the imagery I needed.

Subsequently, they have waffled and hemmed and hawed and basically told me, "well - I don't think we want to show that after all."

WTF. So what can we show?

Finally, we agreed on some 'okay' pieces and they said. "oh sure - we'll get you those."

Until today - nothing. Well -nothing concrete. We've had discussions via e-mail out the ying-yang every day since. But without result. You see - we're using an 'agency' - in fact, not one - but multiple 'agencies'.

Now - in fairness - I have agency and consulting experience in my background. Basically, agencies and consultants are the people you didn't or wouldn't listen to when they worked for you - but after they left or were 'resourced - they joined 'agencies' and now make three times what you paid them before and you actually LISTEN to them and respect their ideas, mostly because they cost so damned much.

And agencies have 'visions' - ideas about how things should and should not be used.

My take - we're paying you - I will use it however I damned well please.

So - anyway - I finally have the glimmer of a chance to fulfill my display case task with at least one of the outstanding images.What we call an 'op-ad' in the trade - basically a two-page newspaper spread.

Note: Image number 2 magically appeared today after I instant messaged "Bud - I know you're slammed and whatever else is going on just please tell me if you are going to ever get me that poster or not so I can find something else, okay? I've got less than a day. You're killing me here."

But back to the other.

So today, an E-mail arrives from a woman at - well, let's just call it the "Megalithic New York Ad Agency With Whom We Spend Gazillions Each Year" - or MNYAAWWWSGEY.

For simplicity, we'll call them "Bob".

E-mail from Bob: "From Woman whose traditionally English/American yet intentionally misspelled first name indicates you are either 18 years of age, from Long Island/New Jersey, or from a country that uses very few vowels."

We'll call her "Shirlye".

Email chain:

Shirlye: Hi - this is Shirlye from Bob. Here is link to what you requested. Thank you. Have nice day.

Me: Thanks, Shirlye - the link takes me to a download page where it asks me to enter my e-mail address to download - but it refuses to acknowledge my e-mail address.

Shirlye: Here is the files(2 attached)without having to use the download express tool.

Me: These are great - there are plenty of images in here. Hoo boy - lots of images of the graphic avatar piece of the Op Ad - but boy - there's every shape, color and combination. But what is lacking is the actual full OP AD.

Shirlye: I am sorry you are having such troubles. I sent you the OP ad in another e-mail (which I never received) Here is link to the what you request.

(Me: bangs head on desk and throws pens at monitor for a few minutes, hoping random velocity will lodge one in my eye, one day ending the pain I feel.)

Me: Shirlye. You sent me back to the download tool that STILL refuses to accept my e-mail. To (my colleague on copy): Is there some kind of terminology or language thing I am missing here? This request seems very clear to me and I am running out of time - please intervene if I am drooling and rambling, as I have clearly lost my mind.

Colleague: Send me the link so I can see if my e-mail address works.

a few minutes later...

Colleague: Nope

Shirlye: I am sorry you are having such troubles.

(I am having troubles?! I am having troubles?! You, LADY, are the one with troubles! I can't believe we're paying you to be even less responsive and productive than my cat - a cat -I may say - who could do your job a damned sight better! TROUBLES! You don't know troubles - I'm stressing out about a display cabinet no one will ever see because its in the hallway next to the damned bathroom - and I am about to have SHINGLES because you and my co-worker don't understand that as menial as this request is - it means f%*ing something to someone or they wouldn't have asked me to spend days of my life chasing after a f$$@ing poster, okay?)

Shirlye: Here is new link to attachment without download and email troubles.

Minutes pass.......

Me: Thank you, Shirlye - this is exactly (f*cking finally) what I needed (even though it was the wrong size and resolution - I finally had SOMETHING).

Thank you.

Drooooool.........

Minutes pass

Shirlye: I am glad you got your troubles sorted out.

......................

(logs into Blogger......)