Your children can eventually grow out of stupidity, you know.

DISCUSSION 1 (a few days ago):

Me:  Did you call a realtor?

Mom: No. I have to clean out your brother's and your father's rooms first.

Me:  Mom - they don't care.  You have the cleanest and nicest house in town.  You were just widowed - no one will care.

Mom:  The house is filthy.

Me:  No, Mom - the house is spotless.  I know you.  I've been in other houses in Peru and the floors are caving in and the mold has its own address and mailbox at most of them.

Mom: Have you seen my kitchen?

Me:  You have one worn floor tile that you have taped plastic sheeting over to prevent further damage.  Cleaning is what you do - it's your OCD talking.

Mom:  What's that mean?

Me: You nearly died while recovering from your back injury because you couldn't run the vacuum or dust. You spent that day in the chair after you 'couldn't go another day without mopping' - remember?

Mom: Well..

Me:  Call her.

Mom: (reluctantly) Okay.


DISCUSSION 2 (today):

Mom:  Well - I called the realtor and now there is a for sale sign in front of my house.

Me:  Really?? Wow - that's great.   So Andie thought it was in saleable condition?

Mom: Not only that - she said she already has someone she wants to show it to.  She said it's immaculate - except for that hole in the hall ceiling and the sidewalk your brother never finished.

Me:  Mom! That's easy and cheap - get whats-his-name's brother in. The one who totaled his truck and ended up with false teeth when he hit that poor hog in Iowa. You know...

Mom:  Okay - yeah.  The first showing is tomorrow at 10 am.

Me: That's great! Is that Andie's client?

Mom: No. She got back to the office with the listing and her associate said it's exactly what his client is looking for.

Me: Oh my god - Mom - this is  great.

Mom:  I can't be here when they show it.  I guess I'll go to coffee.

Me: Did you and Andie talk price?

Mom:  Yes - she's starting it at (nearly $20k more than Mom thought it was worth) to give us bargaining room.

Me: (ready to faint) OH MY GOD, MOM!! THAT"S WHAT I TOLD YOU! OH MY GOD!

Mom: I don't want to sell too soon.  I guess I'll have to tell the girls at bridge tonight about it.

Me:........

Mom:  What?

Me:  You're welcome.
("I told you so - I told you so - I told you so.....")

Mom: For what?

Me: Because I told you .......never mind.

..............

Me:  What did you bake for bridge?

Mom:  Apple pan dowdy.  Oops - there's the timer - gotta go.

Me:  Bye, Mom.