Sunday, February 03, 2013

So - here's the thing...

The latest flap in the Same Sex Marriage (or as we who only recently gained the ability to marry call it. 'Marriage Equality') debate centers around a baker in Oregon who declined to take an order for a wedding cake for a female couple.  According to the couple in question, he also called them an abomination against God, which is why they are pissed and possibly suing him.

Okay - I've been called the very same thing by both people who do not know me and by some who are actually related to me by blood.  Not nice, but hey - I don't follow your sky fairy playbook, anyway - so piss off.

The thing is - and this is what bothers me - is the money quote here:

What Klein wants to make clear is that he and his wife do not hate homosexuals.

"They can buy my stuff," said Klein.  "I'll sell them stuff ... I'll talk to them, it's fine."

Well, thank you very much.    You dick.    You amazing asshole.   Really???

This is what bothers me most about this whole debate.  It's the idea that - "oh yeah, I'll take gay peoples' money - but only when I choose to and under my conditions."

Okay - that's fine.  But I feel very strongly that you need to make your feelings plain in ALL of your business dealings.

I was very fortunate in that when I planned and executed my wedding a year and a half ago, I didn't have any of these problems.  The hubby was the florist, of course, and we used a local officiant (and friend - yay, Louis!), caterer (epic friend and hero!), liquor store, bakery and beer maker.

Nobody batted an eye. In fact, some were delighted that we were their first same sex wedding.

But had they balked , I probably would have said 'thanks for your time but you will never see another dime of my money."

Because it comes down to this.  If it's okay for you to take my money for the majority of my patronage of your business or service - then when does it become okay for you to say, "oh - well  - this is different. This conflicts with my beliefs."

No.  You have implicitly led me to believe that you welcome my money. But then you tell me it's cool for one thing but not another.

Again.  No.

This is easy to avoid.  If you, as a wedding or hospitality product or service provider, feel that providing your product or service in support of a same gender wedding - then you had damned well better put a sign up on your front door and a note in your advertisements.  Because otherwise, you're not playing fair.

You need a sign that says:

"As a matter of personal belief, this establishment chooses not to provide products or services for same sex marriages."


Then I know.  But that also allows me to choose where I spend my money the rest of the time.I can walk away without getting my hopes dashed and knowing that I need never worry about patronizing you again.

And that's why anti-equality business owners will never do this - because it puts their bigotry and their greed on display.  

It's like - "Yeah - you'll sell me a goddamned cookie but you won't make my wedding cake (which by the way, is WAY more profitable for you)."

But now we're "them" - the others.  The undesirables. The 'not-normals'.

"I'll sell them stuff ... I'll talk to them, it's fine."

You know what?  No. It's not fine.  Not for me, anyway. 

Tell you what.

Find yourself a nice sheet of paper and a marker and let the world know how you feel before someone ends up in an awkward situation.  Tape it on your front door and show the world how strong your belief system is.

And if you're lucky - really lucky - you might rummage around in a closet or basement in you shop and find an old sign you can write on the back of ... that says "Whites Only."


Bob said...

I often think that if these types of business owners had to have signs in their windows that read "Straights Only" how much their business would suffer....from The Gays and The Straights Who Support The Gays.

DuPree said...


Cubby said...

Well put.